Introduction by Owner

Author:Owner
Language: eng
Format: mobi
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Walking On Memory Lane

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Earlier in the book, I said that it's best not to bring up the old relationship in the initial stages of contact. The reason for this is that your ex may not want to talk about the past, and if he/she does, you may find that your conversations are mostly about what was "wrong" with the relationship or each other. This triggers painful and unpleasant emotions, making it harder to focus on a better future together.

But it you've reached a point where contacts are more regular, more frequent, your ex is initiating contact, is genuinely interested in what's going on in your life, and telling you intimate details about his/her life, it doesn't hurt to bring up the good old memories in conversation.

Researchers who study the benefits of reminiscing have found that, couples who intentionally reminisce about happy shared experiences are more satisfied with their relationship, and feel more positively about their relationships.

Memories link the past to the present and to the future...

Bringing the best of the past into the present creates a sense of continuity. When done right, talking about what was good about the old relationship can help rebuild and strengthen a sense of emotional closeness, especially if you were together for years. It'll remind both of you that things weren't always bad or unhappy, and may even take your ex back to a place where he/she felt safe to share his/her feelings.

On a personal level, healthy reminiscing can help reconcile the person you were before the break-up and the person you are now. Remembering how you met, how it was like during the initial excitement of getting to know one another and how much fun you had, can help you get in touch with some of the good qualities you had back then that can now be useful to who you are now.

Reminiscing can be the single most powerful catalyst in getting your ex back....

Before you can tap into your sense of history together in a positive way, you must first bring your ex to a place where he/she is not only open to talking about the past (and the old relationship), but feels good talking about it.

Most people who attempt to talk about the happy and pleasant memories of the old relationship too early in the process, and without a solid emotional foundation, find themselves caught up in the pain, frustration, disappointments, alienation etc. of the old relationship, and even drawn back into old arguments and fights.

This is why making an effort to emotionally connect with your ex in the initial stages is much more important than the number of contacts, or how well you pace your contacts. It not only creates a safe environment for openly sharing thoughts, feelings and emotions, it also it also lays the foundation for talking about the old relationship without dragging back the unpleasant emotions associated with the past.

Without a strong emotional foundation, reminiscing will be counterproductive. Instead of talking about what was good and great about

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